Just Feel

Ever get overwhelmed with emotions? Inundated with feeling, such that you want to escape your mind and body? I do, more often than I care to acknowledge. For years I spent time finding ways to suppress, ignore or otherwise run from extreme emotions. I was especially good at running from perceived negative situations that lead to big dark sentiments. Throughout my training in psychology and in my deep dive into self-help in hopes of finding “happiness within”, I was taught that emotions should be embraced, and yet, I found it difficult to put into practice.

It hasn’t been until recently, and I’m talking within the last year, that I’ve come to terms with experiencing each emotion, even negative ones, and it has been transformational. First, even having compassion for myself, such that I would allow this exploration and experience of my inner thoughts, has been new to me and a deep gift. For decades, I’ve been witness to others’ feelings and emotions, without judgment and with a lot of love. But never for myself.

Growing up I was taught, that the only appropriate feelings were “Happy” and “Grateful” or at most basic, “neutral”. It’s been a full system upgrade to allow any perceived negativity to seep into my life. Now as I allow and embrace these less than stellar moments, I find they ease their way through me, in less painful ways.

In addition, naming the emotions I am experiencing has been transformational. Who knew there were so many feelings to experience? In Brené Brown’s latest book Atlas of the Heart, she explores 87 emotions, and most humans can only name five! This book was gifted to me by a dear friend, and though I haven’t explored it as much as I would like, I look forward to using it as a resource to help me better describe my feelings and it will be a beautiful emotional thesaurus to explore the nuance of the characters in my book. But I digress.

Feeling and naming emotions has been revolutionary to my mental health. Fully embracing this has helped me better understand and internalize, that what is occurring in my mind is temporary. And honoring these sentiments in the moment has given flight to other emotions that transmute into a feeling of being grounded. Eventually, to my surprise, this exploration, brings about actual happiness, gratitude, and at times true neutrality to that which is occurring around me.

Finally, meditating in simple ways, whereby I set up an imaginary bubble at the start of my day and “cleanse” my field at the end, has also allowed me to better discern what is mine to feel versus what I capture in the day-to-day interactions of others. Growing up highly empathetic to others made it difficult to discern what were my thoughts and experiences from others. This energetic or intentional boundary setting is the final piece to helping me find peace.

Though I “wish I had known” all this early in life, I am not sad that it has taken me until the age of 45 to figure it out. And, truth be told, if time is truly not linear, and can fold onto itself, then perhaps my lesson learned at 45 is just in time to share with my younger self, in some broader, cosmic, multiverse way – but I’ll save that for the book!

Oh, and if you hung with me in my meandering, here are the three takeaways for mental and emotional health and well-being:

1. Feel your feelings, don’t shy away from them.

2. Name them – use the infographic below as a start.

3. Set up energetic boundaries between you and others.

Let me know how you keep yourself grounded! Until next time, be well, be safe, be free!