Dealing with difficult personalities

Being in HR, I often get asked how to handle difficult personalities. Let’s face it, people are super people-y whether we like it or not. A few things I have learned over the years are listed below. Oh, and though this framing may sound simple, which it is, I fully understand it’s not easy. Internalizing these steps will take time throughout your journey of growth and exploration. Be gentle with yourself!

As with all things “Hey Silvia”, be curious, try it on, and if it doesn’t work for you, no problem, but I bet if you give these steps a chance, they will help!

1. Have compassion. Understand that every human being – even leaders or people that have lived on this earth longer than you - are subject to all things human, such as ego, wounding, triggers and trauma. When you internalize that all people are evolving (including you), there is an understanding regarding intent. The truth of the matter is difficult people aren’t trying to be difficult. (I mean there might be a small percentage that is) Most difficult personalities are just wounded and walking around operating unconsciously. Therefore most difficult personalities are triggering to us, because of our wounding, trigger, or trauma. Once we are aware that their behavior is triggering a pattern in us, we can stop, and breathe, instead of just reacting.

2. Make a choice. Will you react just as unconsciously as they are or will you take the high road? There is no judgment here – either is perfectly fine and up to you. You too are on a journey of evolution, so how you choose to respond is right. Also understand, that if you take the high road, you can also feel your feelings. What I mean is, you don’t need to negate your own experience to take the high road. You can express frustration and upset. You can even tell the individual how they made you feel and what they could do differently to ensure a stronger relationship.

3. Last option. If the problem persists and you don’t want to deal with it, then see what help you can get from others. There might be an opportunity to switch projects, invite others into conversations as buffers, but ultimately you can choose to walk away. To “walk away” might mean changing roles or companies – depending on the circumstance. Again, this is your prerogative. What makes sense for you, your journey, and what’s the best possible outcome for you.

I find every situation is a form of feedback. Take time to see what is in the situation for you. Is it about finding your voice, setting a boundary, or just understanding and integrating a personal trigger? All are valid!

Thoughts? More specific situations you’d like addressed? Drop me a comment or ping me via email.

Until next time: Be well, be safe, be free!